Ways to Run

We spend a great deal of time talking about the runner/chaser portion of the twin flame, but I feel the need to challenge the perception that seems to have taken root that if your twin has physically left the relationship and put up barriers between you, that means they are the runner and all you can do is sit and wait.

I know from my own experience, I always felt there was enough runner energy to go around. I was just as scared as he was much of the time. His fear hindered our relationship on a more surface level, but my fear hindered the emotional closeness of it. Yes, my twin has left this relationship, but I often say that if he'd shown up on my doorstep and said I'm here, I'm yours, lets make this work... would I have been any braver than he was?

Of course I like to think yes I would, and today I would, but back then? I still had a lot of things to work through and I didn't trust him after all he'd put me through, I didn't trust myself! So who's to say I wouldn't have run?

The thing is, we need to stop labeling things and simply look at the reality of the situation we find ourselves in. Be honest with yourself, your fears, your pain, your desires, your relationship. The twin flame calls you to an absolute stripped bare mentality and that starts with yourself.

Below are several ways you could be running and not even realize it. It also sheds some light on the inner thinking of the runner so maybe you can better understand what is happening when your twin is running. I hope this brings some enlightenment and prods some bigger thinking to some effect. Blessings ~ Samantha

1. Being in another relationship.

The obvious one? No, this isn't what you think.

Lets say I meet my twin and he's married. Let's say the intensity of the relationship scares the living hell out of me, but I have protection.. he's married. I encourage him to stay married and just see me on the side. I'm very understanding of his relationship and his commitment, aren't I an amazing person?

Well yes, I may be amazing, but I may also be using his relationship to "run" without actually running.

I think the other relationship gets used in both directions at times and if you find yourself in this situation, look past your surface level sadness about "How can my twin be married?" and ask yourself if, even a little part of you, is glad they are already committed elsewhere. There's no shame in it, but that does show you a more true view of your emotional readiness for this relationship.

This is a very painful predicament and there is no one right answer. Follow your heart in this, but follow it with honesty.

    2. One of both partners doesn't want to make any commitments.

There are a lot of catch phrases involved in this type of running. You'll hear things like "I don't want to hurt you" "I feel safer with this other person" or how about my favorite, "I just can't see how the relationship with you could work long term".

First off, the "I don't want to hurt you" excuse is most often really code for "I'm afraid of being obliterated because I see that possibility in you.

Try and understand that it's their fear grabbing them by the throat and most of the time, that just has to run its course unless you are talking about very enlightened people who are truly willing to deal with their humanness, their fears primarily, and intentionally open up to their twin, no matter how scary.

Second, "I don't feel safe with you"

I used to take that one very personally, then one day I realized what he was really saying was, "I can see what will happen to my life if I walk this path and I'm not brave enough to do it."

I wasn't safe, not at all, I am his twin. There is ultimate safety in this union, but the storm it wrecks across your life first, though it is a beautiful storm with purpose, it's damn scary and certainly doesn't seem like it would be safe.

It takes time to surrender to that storm and if both people are terrified of it at the same time, then you have two people flailing about and hitting one another... patience and love, for yourself and for your twin is the only way to survive the storm.

Third, I just can't see how this works long term... I really think this is that the person has seen the power of this relationship, they can see it's everything they never even dared hope for... and they're too afraid of it. I mean what happens when the thing your soul has called for all it's existence is suddenly before you? What if you're wrong? What if it doesn't work? What if this other person is the other half of your soul and they leave you?

This is terrifying! Many people will cut it off rather than see it through and that seems to just be human nature. Someone runs because they can't bear the thought of being torn open, they can't bear the thought of seeing heaven and being shut out.

    2. Allowing any emotion to put a barricade between you and your twin.

This is one I was absolutely guilty of. I put my fear, and especially my pain, and eventually my anger between us. Yes I was still in it, still wanting to find a way to work this out, to harmonize and find peace with one another, but I wasn't willing or able to release my pain. That became a very tangible entity keeping us apart. It was like an electric fence and anytime my twin tried to cross it, he got zapped and zapped hard.

This is not an easy road, you will feel every emotion in the book at an intensity level that would impress the sun itself. However, rather than flailing around in that pain, engage it, rise above it, make it your bitch. ;-) Don't use it as a weapon against the other half of your soul.

In many ways, this was the hardest for me and there's no way to really tell if I have it handled now or not, not unless he comes back and I get to put my new enlightenment into action, but I know at least in my day to day, I've learned a very important lessons about not letting anything stand between you and love.

Emotions are overwhelming at times, but you absolutely have control of them, our thoughts feed them. Create anchors so that when you feel yourself slipping over the edge of pain or fear, you have something hard to grab onto. This is where I've learned to use mantras and visualization. It's not easy, but it is worth it.

    3. Filling up your life with busyness, or manufacturing drama that must take precedence. Simply not allowing time to develop the relationship with your twin.

Life is busy and does not stop so we can deal with the emotional storm of the twin flame and lets face it, this twin stuff is intense. When we are forced to stare that closely at ourselves, it is uncomfortable and daunting... but the thing to remember is that you have it in you to rise above this. You have it in you to release the flow of love and find your connection to source/god/the divine that will pull you through this.

I know twins who always have some excuse taking them away, business, family issues, time constraints... yes, life is busy, but if you are finding ways to skirt the twin thing because it's scary, that's dishonest and honesty, at the very least with yourself, is imperative for this journey.

At some point, if our intention is authenticity within our lives, we have to stop running and face this. We have to take the time, do the exploration, let the fire transform us and finally rest in the peace of being home.

    4. Erecting insurmountable walls.

This one here is the most dangerous in my opinion. When we shut ourselves down emotionally, when we erect walls around our heart to protect ourselves, we shut off the flow of spirit into our life, we shut off the flow of love from other relationships in our life, we shut off ourselves.

Walls are a form of running, just a bit less active. Still, when we erect these walls, whether out of fear or pain or logic or moral ethics... whatever it is, this is keeping this relationship from doing what it should.

I'm working on an article for the My Truth blog on the wall I've currently got erected between my twin and myself and my process in dismantling it. I realized yesterday that it's not to protect myself from him, I'm not afraid of him coming back. I'm not even afraid of the pain, I know in myself that I can rise above that now, so what is it that I'm afraid of?

 I'm afraid of becoming again who I was when I was with my twin at the worst of it. I'm afraid of the part of me that became so desperate, so miserable, so desolate, so inconsolable... so weak.

I am still running. I'm running from the me I used to be. My fear is being fed by lies saying that to be with my twin means being weak. This is not true, but I've believed that on a sub conscious level for months and this is my whole point.

I'm not saying everyone is like me, but I do know there are enough of you out there who may be struggling with similar issues so I want to shine a light on it, bring it up to the surface and deal with it.

Are you running? Even if you are the one that has been left doesn't mean you aren't running on some level. I don't want my twin back, but when I say that, what I actually mean is I don't want the man I knew before back. He was weak and he hurt me... but I'm not the same woman I was then, I was weak and I hurt him... facts are this journey changes people and we have to believe that even when we don't know what is happening with our twins, that they are still on their journey. We are being brought up for them all the time and if they come back, it is on us to be ready... this requires honesty to yourself to your core, find all the fear, all the barricades, all the little things you've done to make yourself feel safe, and obliterate them. There is no safety here, yet there is all the safety in the world.

Truth to the twin flame is standing utterly naked, there can be no facades, there can be no misdirection, there can be no hidden parts... it's excruciating at times, but I have to believe that anything with this much pain, and so many ways for it to fail, must be exquisitely beautiful, powerful and life altering when it works. It's about having faith... it's as simple and as hard as that.